So recently I accepted a job offer from one of the coolest places in the world— Powell’s City of Books. Prior to accepting I was bloody ecstatic at the idea of leaving home and getting to Portland to start my new life. But now that it’s upon me, I feel differently. While I am still excited to start a new chapter of my life and be closer to my best friend (as well as many other wonderful friends), I feel heartbroken at the closing of this chapter. I feel heartbroken looking outside my old bedroom window. And heartbroken seeing the tears in my parent’s eyes. Heartbroken that I didn’t work on the farm one last time to see the customers and coworkers I love so dearly. I’m going to miss this house so much. And these roads I’ve driven down a million times. I’m going to miss the trees and the lake and every little thing…
It’s amazing that you don’t notice these things until they’re gone. I guess it just serves as a reminder: no matter how bleak things seem, try your damn hardest to see the good around you still.
I will of course visit home— it’s not too far away. But I fear this is my last extended stay at home. And that’s something I can barely comprehend. Winter break from school was always such an exciting time because I could come home for a while and see old friends and my family and just… be home. I’ll miss being home.
But here’s to the beginning of a new chapter and a new home. See ya soon, Portland.
p.s. my dad brought me a chai tea latte this morning and then asked if he could give me some advice that his dad gave him when he started his first job away from the farm. he almost cried. and I almost cried. the advice (so i don’t forget it): “being early is being on time, be dependable, never complain.”
Dear employers, I will have to take the day off today because:
☐ It’s December and the streets are papier-mached with wet bronze leaves and it’s so dark outside that the cars have their headlights on at 3pm
☐ I have recently been through a breakup, or I have been through a breakup at any time in my life really, and I woke up today with the absolute conviction that I will never be loved again
☐ A dog looked at me
☐ I got a text from someone for whom I feel a mix of concern and frustration and recognition and longing that is both more and less than romance
☐ Someone made a joke about dead pets meeting you in heaven
☐ Daylight savings time
☐ I passed a knot of flowers that were so bright they glowed through the dim grey water of the day and when was anything in my life last that luminous?
☐ Girls are too pretty
☐ For the first time I genuinely comprehend that there is not enough time to have all the lives I wanted
☐ I accidentally listened to Leonard Cohen